Anal much?

This one is about me because I’m an anal mother fucker. I do my head in, frequently. That doesn’t make me wrong. It just makes me annoying if you live with me and are messy, not forward thinking, not interested in matching things …or not me.

It could be me or it could be having a partner who is my polar opposite making me feel like an anaI motherfucker. Often I hear myself babbling along irritatingly and on a daily basis because I am fractious at the lack of insight my partner has in terms of putting things away, not ‘seeing’ that something is out of place and not doing things…the right way. The toilet roll being upside down on its hanger, long black hair on the white tiled floor, hair on soap, razor stuck in the soap dish so all those tiny short stubborn bristles stick to the soap is not acceptable…neither is squeezing the fuck out of the toothpaste from the top of the tube leaving a bulging mass sitting in the rest. Not rinsing a shared razor, leaving toothbrush and toothpaste on its side on the basin and never flushing a toilet, leaves me feeling somewhat incensed.

And how can someone who has lived in a house for 6.3 years not know where things belong in the kitchen. For starters the other paraphernalia, is already sitting there waiting for their counter parts so it’s not complicated at all to work out.

“Oh there’s 4 dinner plates in that cupboard right there with the glass door, now could it be that the others go there on top?” Nahhhhh just put them in with the saucepans…glasses can go with plastic shit and if the other plastic shit doesn’t fit in there anymore put them on the wine rack…What the fuck? Is it laziness? Is it not thinking? Is it stupid? What??????????

In fact my 5 year old when unpacking the dishwasher knows exactly where things belong and does it without thought.  She even lines up alike coffee cups without suggestion and never puts a thing in a wrong place.…I like the girl. The frustrating thing is, when my partner does it there is just no rhyme or reason and it’s not a one off. It happens every single day and has for the 11 years since I’ve been around, anyway. If there is a stack of clean dishes on top of the sink, I never, ever, ever (not never) expect my partner to put them away because they never will be. That is a no go zone. Plastics if not chucked on the wine rack will be left on top of the dishwasher because putting them away seems repugnant. The bins however go out promptly the minute the rubbish reaches the surface.

Now I am anal as I’ve said and I line up cushions on a couch, tidy every day before I leave for work or to go out and even do it before I go to bed. The bed has to be made…and not just pulled up…tucked in…if there are any cushions on top they are placed on strategically…to look their best. Clothes are put away in appropriate draws and there is a shelf for every group of pantry type in the food cupboard. All canned stuff…top shelf. Anything to do with beverages, Milo, coffee tea, straws are on shelf two, herbs and spices on another…easy to find yet is a constant battle ground between my partner and I as I yell like a banshee nutter that “the Peanut Paste goes with the fucking condiments not the cereals…motherfucker!!!”….”Huh?”

Cause I am an anal motherfucker and to not have it in some sort of order simply discombobulates me.