Read My Lips

ARKS or ASK

Not Noah’s boat that housed millions of coupled animals, no. This is a language disaster. Try though I may I just can’t get past it. When someone says to me ‘Arks your friend if I can borrow her pen’ or ‘I arks you if you wanted me to pick you up at ten and you said you’d be ready.’ I will never, ever be ready for 'arks'...unless of course it’s God sending a message about it raining for 40 days and 40 nights to drown us right out.
Ark ɑːk/ noun 1. (in the Bible) the ship built by Noah to save his family and two of every kind of animal from the flood; Noah's ark. o archaic a ship or boat. plural noun: arks
People!!!! - get it right. It’s ASK. Arse-K. Always has been (well since the 1600’s), always will be. ‘Ask me a question’, or ‘Ask me what my favourite colour is’...don’t arks me...it’s frigging lazy? It's frigging wrong and it's a boat built cubit by cubit. My thoughts are, if it’s cultural, that’s okay. If it’s a speech impediment, that's okay...if not...don’t use it. It discredit’s you. Most of you are not gangsters, rappers or from the Caribbean. Back in Chaucer’s day he used ‘I ax’...Chaucer wrote between 1374 to 1386. Even Shakespeare used ‘Ask’. Stop it...it’s ARRRSSSKKKK...Ask. It’s just ask.

Mutton dressed as Lamb

There is nothing more tragic than a bitch who wears lippy above her lip. This is where they got the phrase ‘mutton dressed up like lamb’… It also includes the wearing of leopard skin, fur coats, collagen lips and visible 'g' strings of anyone over 50…stop it! I know it’s an offensive title, referring to an older lady dressing like a much younger one…but deliberately trying to deceive when you’re not in the race is just catastrophic. Men too, can be…mutton dressed as ram…it’s called a Lamborghini and gold jewelry, fake tans, gold sluggers (budgie smugglers, dick bathers), blonde teenage girlfriends and spray on hair… what the hell?

Tattoos or more specifically, Chinese tattoos.

Why not put it in English? I ask everyone I ever see who has a Chinese tattoo (unless they are Chinese) what does that mean? And then, how do you know it means that? How do you know it really says ‘Like a tiger with wings’ and not ‘Twice cooked pork and a spring roll’ or ‘Time passes like water’ and not ‘Don’t pee on your shoes’ and some Chinese tattooist is laughing his arse off at you… Truth is I’m a clean skin and not a big fan of tattoos even though my partner has several. Why put a bumper sticker on a Ferrari?
Just saying!