IKEA

Love it or hate it...it’s here and is in addition a very probable cause for the divorce rate going up! Well that and driving in a strange city with your spouse. But I digress..

Take me for example, I love Ikea, love it! but my partner hates it. If I say, “Hey babe, let’s go to Ikea”, I get “Oh I’m sorry hon, I’d rather pitch myself in front of a bullet train, thanks though”. I really love how there are small rooms pre set up and clear directions for easy and enjoyable meandering. I just want to curl up on that nice white couch, feet on a stunning ottoman after picking a book off those sexy bookshelves or park myself at a nice cottage kitchen and make out it’s mine...oh yes indeed.

I think If we asked loads of couples, one of the two would admit happily that they love its guts and the other would hate it as passionately...I’m surprised there isn’t more singles (person sans spouse) wandering around on their own through the IKEA labyrinth quite frankly. Why do we make our spouse come with us? It’s agony for both. My partner tries to continually steer me through IKEA via a short cut across the building rather than following the helpful arrows through every section. This annoys me because what if I miss something important? But no, it’s all about getting to the $1 hot dog at the end. And IKEA is a restaurant, a cheap one. Incredible. Reminds me of the days Target had the Apple restaurant. Once we even went to IKEA for breakfast. It was amazing. See when I was in Sweden I don’t at all remember comestibles being that cheap. In fact I remember spending $21 for a boring salad and that was in 1989...so a $2.95 breaka and Parmigiana or Swedish Meatballs for $6.50 is an unbelievable surprise. It’s a treat for me the whole event. 

What's more without IKEA we would not have as much knowledge about what an allen key is and now we understand the term flat pack. There would not be blogs on how the hell to build IKEA furniture, gay men would still be shopping and we would not have this joke,

“My friend just bought an IKEA franchise.”

“Really? Where?”

“I don’t know, he’s still putting it together.”

Good on ya Sweden. I just realised why the partners get dragged along kicking a screaming regardless of the promise of cheap Swedish food at the end of the maze...it’s to carry the bastard flat packs.