Adventure and Apple Pie - Part I

A friend of mine on a second date with her new man went hot air ballooning recently.


“What for?” I asked incredulous that that was the way this bloke was trying to woo her. “He’s dumped for sure, isn’t he? Idiot.” I said scoffing.


“No, it was great.”


“Uh huh. What?”


What is that about? Ten million feet above terra firma in a basket held up by the most flammable fabric on the planet with intermittent bursts of fire shooting up through the middle of it. Hmmm, there’s a great idea.


“It was, what’s the word?”


“Dim-witted”


“No, invigorating.”


The thesaurus will tell you that daring means bold, brave, courageous, audacious and heroic. A crossword puzzle will tell you it’s nerve. In my dictionary it’s stupidity.


“It was romantic and we had champagne after,” she told me. I would have had a jeroboam of the stuff and three Valium prior to climbing in that small picnic basket I can assure you.


“Celebrate living did you? Celebrate not dropping like a stone from 5,000 feet?”


She thought it was wonderful.


I have the same trouble understanding people who like extreme adventure sports like jumping out of a plane with a parachute. I grill people about this so I can come to some sort of understanding about why this is a good idea. It’s just not natural jumping out of a plane. And for some reason they believe that a tandem jump reduces the risk factor by a thousand percent. It just doesn’t. It is still jumping out of a plane with a big hanky over your head that may or may not open and that you hope will unfurl at the right moment if it does unwrap. It is hard enough to get through life in one piece without injury and death let alone inviting it into your life.


“It’s okay I’m jumping with someone else,” they say.


“Oh goody fucking gumdrops sister. Two dead bodies.”


And the other thing, they pay huge dollars to do it. I would rather pay the same money and get on and off a plane in two different cities, or countries for that matter. There should be nothing in between except airline muffins and coffee.


It’s also not an attractive thing to do and they video it. People think it is great having footage of their faces flopping around in mid air.


“And I got a video of the whole thing,” they say overjoyed.


“Yay, you can relive it whenever you want.”


“I’m going to do it again.”


“Jesus, why?” I shout. “What’s wrong with you? Watch the freakin’ video.”


But people do the most amazing things. They climb very high cliffs and mountains with narrow ropes and little hooks. I don’t get this at all because not only is it dangerous and really mindless but it’s tiring. It is actual work and exercise and it is so very,very high. I get vertigo on a small ladder. I can barely watch TV shows of people climbing up these cliff faces without shuddering uncontrollably. It’s spooky.


The other daring adventure people indulge in that I don’t appreciate or comprehend at all is swimming with sharks. Sharks kill people just to snack. That’s why we have lifeguards; shark planes that circle over the sea when a shark is spotted, and alarms at major beaches. Didn’t people see Jaws? I’m from Adelaide and I know sharks can eat boats and surfboards and people.


“Sharks are my friends,” someone said on the Discovery channel. Who wants to see this dude’s enemies? My definition of a friend is a little different. It’s a buddy and companion, an ally. Not someone who wants to devour you at will while you bleed to death. I mean it’s a fish with very sharp fucking teeth.


Base-jumping is one more bizarre sport to me and seems that it can get a bit reckless and dangerous for others when people dive off of buildings or tall objects in major cities. I just don’t see the thrill in it when doing it from anywhere though. But I am a chicken in anything to do with heights so I’m possibly really biased. I know it’s all about the adrenalin and cheating death but it’s just such a long way down. The zipper at the show freaks me out. Stuff the zipper, looking down from an upper storey shopping centre paralyses me with fear.


While I’m not keen on risky adventure sports I don’t mind doing things of risky nature when I travel, like flying into New York with American Airlines on the 11th of February, sitting in row 11. That’s a risk I don’t mind taking. You see apparently the number 11 has been linked to mystery and power since the earliest of times. All forms of number research and studies, including numerology, the ancient science of Gematria, and the secret wisdom of Kabbalah, all give momentous significance to 11, and 11 derivatives, for example - 22, 33, 44, 55, 66, 77, 88, and 99.


The 11th number is considered a master number according to some, an example is, the first Great War, World War 1 which, ended on the 11th hour, of the 11th day, of the 11th month. In Tolkein's, The Lord of the Rings, the number 11 is depicted as an inquisitive number, and getting to your 111th birthday is a huge event, it’s also a bloody miracle. Apparently the USA missed series of numbers on the Apollo moon missions to make certain it was Apollo 11 that landed on the moon. In Egypt, King Tutankhamen's tomb had combinations of 11 in the jewellery he wore, and he had 11 oars placed on the floor surrounding his tomb.


So there you go. I did a risky thing when I flew into New York on that day and that is as far as I will go.


I love travelling and have been to lots of places. Now that I have a partner I love to bits, I want to go back to all the places I’ve ever been and see it through their eyes as well as my own again, let’s be fair. So recently in February we went to the US of A. America, home of the free. I don’t think America is necessarily free any longer as much as they declare and remind themselves that they are.


I have been there three times and have discovered that that is still not enough. I have seen about 10 of the 50 states and no more than that because on my second and third go, I could not get past New York City. I am obsessed and completely fixated on New York. I have always been passionate about it, even before I went. I love everything about it. The architecture, the energy, the size, the bagels, the hot dog stands, central park, the buildings and the vigour of the place is indescribable. I have been there in the middle of summer and the middle of winter and loved both equally. I love it so much that I have applied for a green card in a lottery so that we can live there for a year or two if we want to.

Americans are an odd yet also lovely race in my opinion. Loud, over patriotic (so much so I think that they lose sight of reality), friendly, ignorant, (does Australia have wind, what state is Australia in?, you Australians are from England aren’t you?) and they can seem rude at times yet I am not sure whether that is really their intent or whether they simply come across as being bad-mannered. I wonder these days too if it really and honestly has something to do with 9/11. The day that changed the world most definitely changed America most of all and I think it seeps out of the people there in atypical ways. 

Go Adventure!

Lonelyplanet usa

Adventure and Apple Pie - Final

The bathrooms or loos (as we say) in America were an experience to behold. You never really ever needed to use your hands. There is a push button at hip height to get in and after using the toilet and standing, the toilet flushes on its own. The next step is hand washing, no need to touch taps; a small sensor triggers tepid water. Same goes for soap. The paper towel flows out of a plastic box after triggering yet another sensor. It’s high tech.


We drove a fair way in America. I think it was about 3,000 kilometres in the end. I really enjoyed driving although LA was a bit hairy and very easy to get lost in. On every car except perhaps one, were magnets representing large ribbons saying ‘Support our Troops’. We wondered if they had been given out for free at service stations because there were so many of them adhered to the backs of cars but I have a feeling every car owner paid for one themselves. I just can’t imagine Australians being so patriotic about anything like this, I don’t know if I’m glad or annoyed at that. It seems a bit over the top to me though and a bit contrived. But that is my opinion.


The number of fast food restaurants in the US is staggering. I will list merely a few. Burger King, Pizza Hut, checkers, Hardees, White Castle, KFC, Arby’s, Carls Jnr, Wendy’s, Taco Bell, Dominos, Roy Rodgers, Burger King, Big Boy, Subway, Qdoba Mexican grill, Chick – Fil – A, Donut King, Krispy Kreme, Mel’s diners, A&W Restaurants’, INS and OUTS, Starbucks, Denny’s, Long John Silver’s, Dairy Queen, Sonic Drive In, Hard Rock Cafes and of course on every corner and in every field, McDonalds. It is fat heaven. It is also a cheaper option and an endless variety. You can’t ask for more than that. What isn’t a cheaper option is ordering a pot of tea from a casino hotel room in Las Vegas at $11.00 a pop and have it arrive cold.


The tipping and the taxes drive you a bit mad after a while and in the end when we weren’t as keyed up any more and people were rude to us we just didn’t tip much at all. We did not mind tipping well if people were courteous but why should we pay them a gratuity for fucking impoliteness. It’s wrong. Taxes are unavoidable but we had some power when it came to tipping. Piss us off, very small tip, nice to us, great tip. We kept a collection of smaller notes in our pockets constantly because we would forget to keep smaller bills and then it was embarrassing when you had a few quarters and dimes to tip and that was all. We just couldn’t afford to tip $20 notes. It was hard to work out how much to tip sometimes and math is not a strong point for either of us, at all. The very last day we were there (typically) we discovered the easy way to work it out. Just double the tax.


Since 9/11, security has become exceptionally stringent and thanks to God for it. On arrival in the States we had our fingerprints scanned and our retina’s photographed. I was glad to do it. We frequently had to remove belts and shoes and have our backpacks checked in airports, buildings, shops and museums with and without special gadgets that picked up explosive dust or something. It became an automatic practice to kick off shoes and pull belts from pants upon entering any of the above without being asked. I found myself very aware this trip of the low flying planes or anything seeming odd. I didn’t expect to react that way at all not having been back since 1989 but the world is different and I think America will always be a mark for that shit.


The West and East coasts are very different from each other and each of the cities I have visited really has different and interesting characteristics of their own. Los Angeles, city of Angels is a seedy place with a great feel though. It’s warm and ‘out there’. I probably liked it more this time than any other time and when I’m there I think I probably won’t ever return to LA but whenever I leave I know I will. It pulls you to it. I guess I have my own agenda with an interest in Hollywood and the movies but it does feel comfortable to me.


San Francisco is a scenic city with a beautiful harbour, famous bridge, hilly streets and a prison called ‘Alcatraz’ or ‘The Rock.’ I have always loved being there, the city not the prison of course. Las Vegas, God what can be said about this place of ‘Bright daytime lights at night’ and endless gambling? Gambling, cigs and booze, bad make up and Hawaiian shirts come to mind. Buffet meals, $1.00 beers, free cocktails while gambling and rooms filled with smoke and body odour from stale old gambling fuckers who never quit, not even to shower. The day you roll into town your eyes nearly bug out of your head. I swear we didn’t utter one word bar “fuck me” while driving through town. It is so full on and weird. It is dreamlike and bizarre and when the sun goes down it remains surreal and you love it because it is unlike anything you have ever seen in your life before. You love the fountains at the Bellagio, the colossal well lit billboards, all the rooms full of games and cheap meals in restaurants, seeing incredible casino’s like Luxor, Mandalay, New York New York, The Venetian, Caesars palace, Paris, MGM, Monte Carlo and Flamingo, just to name a few. Then a day or so later after getting married by Elvis and losing $50 bucks in a poke on a poker machine, you know you hate it with all you’ve got and you are coming down with something. You cannot look at that carpet on all those casino floors anymore because it looks like multi coloured throw up. And on your way out of Vegas, city of sin, heading for the desert, you swear you will never be back but you don’t know if that’s true or not.


Flying by small plane from Las Vegas to the Grand Canyon National Park and then through the Grand Canyon itself via helicopter, cruising the Colorado River and heading to amazing look outs by way of a hummer with a native Indian was an extraordinary experience I will never forget.


Washington DC was the revelation of the trip we weren’t expecting. We loved it. We did not have enough time there because we didn’t want to cut any more days from New York but next time, we’re staying a week. It is a beautiful, historic metropolis that is very different from our own capital and the people there seem lovely. The memorials, statues and monuments are a sight to behold and are spread across the capital so that the whole city is worth venturing into. Then there are the Smithsonian museums that can occupy you for days. It is just so very interesting which is possibly what separates it from the rest of the cities we went to, irrespective of their own attractive features.


The thing with America is that we all know all of it so well. We see it in movies and on television daily and walking the streets in those places feels very, very familiar and almost natural even on a first visit. It is in our consciousness and it is in our history and as eccentric as it can seem I will always be drawn to it like a moth to a flame and I have no idea at all, why that is the case. My love affair started with the United States long before I went and the visits there have only consolidated it...not that I’d ever leave my country to live there for good.

Travel USA