Seriously Single -Part II: Blind Dates

I did wonder if I went along to the wedding of my new friend that I may meet someone and avoid the blind date I had coming up. I thought it would be great if I met Mr Right there at the wedding and could cancel Mr most probably very ugly loser man on my blind date.




Ugh, blind dates can be fucking awful. They are almost like a torture event. I don’t know why we go on them. Basically I think, you do it for who ever is setting you up because they are concerned about your happiness which is a nice thing really, until you see the person and say one of three things to yourself (or out loud if you are a respectable distance from the person you haven’t yet met but have laid eyes on);


‘Jesus that’s ugly, what the hell does Lucy think of me?’


‘Jesus, that’s cute, Luce must think I’m pretty special.’


‘Has potential, maybe. Not hideous but no stunner.’


I usually got a run down from my English friend Lucy about the prospective partner prior to the blind date. Although I knew it was all going to be positive from her because she wanted me to go on the date. That’s when I got my trusty checklist out of my pocket, uncrumpled it and grilled her over each point. I had already ticked ‘friend must like.’


“But how funny is he?” I ask.


“Really funny,” she inevitably says in her pommy accent, busying herself with other things in her house while I follow her everywhere to complete my investigation and scrutiny. This is a distraction for her because she can look occupied when I reach the checklist item she knows will not match with my standard.


“Ricky Gervais funny or Nigel funny?” I don’t think her boyfriend Nigel is funny at all but she does.


“Almost Ricky funny.”


“Almost?”


“Well if he was Ricky Gervais funny he’d be on fucking stage and famous wouldn’t he? He’d be taken wouldn’t he?”


Good point.


“Is he good looking and has a good personality?”


“Yes.”


“Hmm unusual.”


No comment from Lucy.


“Is he cultured?”


“Cultured? Yes.”


“How do you know?”


“Because although he hates opera he has been to an art gallery and he eats oysters. In my books, that’s cultured. It’s polished enough.”


“Right. What are his clothes like then?” I just know I’m pushing it now.


“He dresses well. And as far as I’m concerned if they can dress themselves at all you’re on a winner.”


Yeah right. Agreed.


“Can he…”


“Look he doesn’t pee in sinks what more do you want?”


I guess that’s a plus.


“Okay I’ll meet him then.”


“Oh,” she responds exasperated by me, raising her eyebrows, “Oh good choice.”


I ignore the sarcasm and attempt one more query. “Got any photos of him then?”


I didn’t get an answer but knew it meant no and that question time was over. Well it will be a surprise.

I just think it’s always a good thing to be prepared when going on a blind date so you don’t look like a painting by Edvard Munch when you tap him on the shoulder and ask if he is Bruce and he turns around and is something out of a Wes Craven movie. You know that your friend would never really set you up with someone like this (unless you screwed her man back when you were 19 and a half and she just found out about it) but a friend’s opinions of ‘good looking’ can really vary from your own.

I think blind dates are definitely better done as a double date thing because if it really turns out badly you have other people to talk to or at least drive you home when you get drunk in disappointment. When the person you meet turns out to be very good looking and seems almost perfect in all else you spend lots of time wondering why they are single and look for the trick. In the end you don’t care and remember that you too are single and there is absolutely nothing wrong with you.

Blind Dating for Beginners!

Blind Date Advice