Seriously Single - Part III:Games We Play

And then when you do start a relationship there are the games. I always go into relationships saying, “I do not and will not play games.”




This is absolute bullshit.


We all end up doing it. I really don’t know why. Because they do it? To keep the other person keen? To keep our pride? To win points? To get our own way? To stop boredom?


It can be hard work but it all seems so necessary. You notice that your current partner is a bit aloof lately, so instead of simply asking why, or being affectionate anyway you act aloof too. Why? Because history has taught us that it brings them round. People love a chase. They don’t want to think you’ve gone off of them. Of course if your partner is stubborn as shit this may take a while. It can be this back and forward, back and forward thing for ages where one is aloof and one is affectionate and then it swaps. I never liked the ‘See Saw’. I still don’t. People sometimes jump off of the other end while your feet are still off of the ground and you crash to earth with a painful thud that will make you wary of climbing back on in a hurry.






It is interesting watching it happen to others, as an outsider. When we fall ‘in love’ we pack up our bags and move to ‘Stupid land’ and although we are aware, sometimes only vaguely, that we are playing games we do it still at the cost of all our pride and all our common sense, even at the risk of possibly losing the one we want/love/sleep with. I’ve been watching a friend of mine with his new girlfriend. Initially she was doing all the chasing so he was pretty cool for a while. You know the type; if you had to draw it he’d be the one leaning against a bar with a beer in his hand, a cocky confident glow about him, barely noticing the new girl. She’s the one on her knees with both her arms wrapped around his calves peering up at him lovingly.






Then time moves on and she starts thinking that perhaps she’s doing a bit too much of the chasing. She knows he’s fairly hooked so she feels secure enough to back off a little. She doesn’t want to be taken for granted and besides her knees are getting sore.


So then he says in his head, ‘Hey what’s going on? This can’t be right. Maybe I’ve been a bit too overconfident. Better do some sucking up.’


And he does. Then she thinks, ‘Cool, that worked.’


And so it begins. She’s starting to say stuff like,


“This guy at work asked me out, you know,” to her man.


Now she knows she should never really have said that but he (being male and therefore never ever 100% secure no matter what happens) starts getting anxious and pays her a lot more attention, falls in love with her and wants to be with her every minute. She is satisfied because she has him where she wants him and can still be independent to some degree because she knows he will hang onto her for pride and love whatever she does (except cheating, that’s far too much pride damage for a bloke).


So the visual changes, she is now sitting up at the bar surrounded by men grinning at her, he is hanging around her calves and she is really liking this. It’s all about power. He’ll keep this up for a while because he wants to get back to the way they were when she adored him completely. The thing is, she does but its part of the game to hide it a bit while he is this keen.


Eventually he’ll have enough of that though and get the shits. When this happens he’ll declare he’s going out with the boys and she’ll wonder if she’s gone too far and then they’ll go ‘round again.


Until marriage and then nothing because you’ve signed papers and divorce is expensive. You’ve won most of the games already and are far too exhausted ever to go there again, which is why people possibly stay married for as long as they do.
People want to be adored and wanted but it makes us vulnerable which is why we do the game thing. We don’t want to give too much away.


When both partners are really, really secure the games stop because you know you love and want each other as much as each other. This is called the wedding day. Alternatively the bloke may have just been thinking about football all the way through and that is all he’s been thinking about.

Games We Play