Seriously Single Part VIII: But Can He Type?

I think one of the shittiest things to see, is a friend with the wrong one. It can be blindingly obvious to you and the world (and very, very possibly to your friend as well) and there can be a pattern. Initially they tell you they have met this person and he is interesting. It appears they like your friend, always a bonus but your friend knows in their heart of hearts that really, frankly, truthfully, they want it to work so that they are no longer single.




A friend of mine has done this several times. Oh my God it terrifies me when I see it happening. I can write it like a predictive diary of what will happen because I know the prototype. It is that obvious.


She does that whole, “Met someone last night.”


“Oh cool. Nice is he?”


“Sure.”


And that’s it.


“What else?” I ask.


“Rich.”


“Nice. How old?”


“You know. Older.”


“Well that’s alright. Good personality? Funny? Nice looking?”


“Did I mention he is rich?”


“Oh sweet Jesus.”


And you almost hear her saying, except she’s not,


“Bugger it he’s my only choice at the moment and I will make it work until it kills me.”


But instead she says, “I think I could marry this one.”


“Right,” I say, “Because he is so perfect for you in how many ways and you’ve known him how long?”


“It’s not about looks.”


“I agree. It’s about something in common and stuff you like about him. It’s about not settling. Right?”


It might sound harsh and like I’m judging her or something but this is how it will go.


She’ll see him every now and then keeping that perfect distance and then she’ll drink so she can bear to kiss him and then she’ll tell her mates that she’s not real sure but then she’ll sleep with him while drunk and then really, there’s no going back from there and she’ll know this. But to her it’s important to make it all seem like it’s the perfectly logical thing to do. Which is fine if he’s the right one.


“I’ll learn to love him,” she’ll say.


“Perhaps.”


But you know the rest is yet to come. She’ll get swept away with the thought of the whole romance. Of marrying him and finally being free from that ‘singles’ title and being able to have babies in wedlock because her clock is ticking and her parents are religious.

So she’ll organise bed and breakfast stays with him, lunches with her friends, meeting the parents, planning the wedding (with honeymoon destination) and then he’ll declare his undying love for her. She will be wrapped and shit her pants both at the same time because down deep inside she just knows she will leave him battered and torn because at the end of the day, he is the wrong one. Again. And so it’s back to being seriously single.

Why did lil miss muffet run away?